Rain Man

Raymond

I'm an excellent driver.

Real Genius

Chris

You didn't touch anything, did you?

Mitch

No.

Chris

Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under "H" for "toy."

Chris

This. This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This. This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

Chris

Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?

Mitch

I, well...

Chris

The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets- I've got it: nudity.

Red Dragon

Will

I don't have much time!

Hannibal

Oh, but I do! I have oodles!

Red Dwarf

Holly

When you've had the glory of a 4-figure IQ, of course it bothers you when you lose 793 consecutive games to a smegging toaster!

Kryten

That was an important speech sir, and it needed to be made, but might I suggest that from this moment on the rest of this discourse is conducted by those with brains larger than a grape?

Rimmer

But a black hole's a huge, compacted star! It's millions of miles wide! Why didn't you see it on the radar screen?

Holly

Well, the thing about a black hole - its main distinguishing feature - is it's black. And the thing about space, your basic space color... is black. So how are you supposed to see them?

Reign of Fire

Creedy

The only thing worse than dragons. Americans.

Road to Perdition

Michael Jr.

So when do I get my share of the money?

Michael

How much do you want?

Michael Jr.

Two hundred dollars!

Michael

Okay. Deal.

Michael Jr.

... Could I have had more?

Michael

You'll never know.

Roswell

Maria

You were on your way to being, like, a world-renowned scientist! And I was going to be your wacky friend! OK? But where does this leave me?? I can't be the wacky friend to someone who's already wacky!

Ruthless People

Sandy

He wouldn't pay. Then we asked for $100,000. He still wouldn't pay. So now we're lowering our price to $50,000.

Barbara

I'm being marked down?!? Oh, God, I've been kidnapped by K-Mart!

Lt. Bender

GIVE THE BAG TO BOZO, DROP THE GUN, AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR.

Earl Mott

Who said that?!

Lt. Bender

IT'S THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.

Earl Mott

Really?

Lt. Walters

This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Perhaps we should shoot him.

Lt. Bender

NO! WE'RE THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION!