Liar Liar

Cop

Do you know why I pulled you over?

Fletcher

Depends on how long you were following me.

Cop

Let's start from the top.

Fletcher

Here it goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!

Cop

Is that all?

Fletcher

No... I have unpaid parking tickets.

A Life Less Ordinary

O'Reilly

We can do this with or without violence, it's up to you. The client pays our medical bills but not yours. Well?

Robert

Oh, without, please.

Todd

You think I'd talk to a dog? Do you think I'd ask a dog whether you are good or evil? Do you think I'm some sort of backwoods weirdo with a barn full of skulls and knives I sharpen every day in anticipation for Armageddon?

Robert

No, I'm sure you're just a regular guy.

Todd

Yeah. I am a regular guy. I'm regular. But that's not the point! Who ... are YOU?

Life of Brian

Brian

I am NOT the Messiah!

Arthur

I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

Stan

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

Reg

But you can't have babies.

Stan

Don't you oppress me.

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

Soap

I'd feel safer with a chicken drumstick!

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Gandalf

What did you hear? Speak!

Sam

N-nothing important. That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, and a dark lord, and something about the end of the world but please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural.

Aragorn

Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall.

Pippin

But what about breakfast?

Aragorn

You've already had breakfast.

Pippin

One, yes. But what about second breakfast?

Merry

I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.

Pippin

What about elevensies? And luncheon? And afternoon tea? And dinner? And supper? He knows about those, right?

Merry

I don't think so, Pip.

Frodo

Sam, I'm going to Mordor alone.

Sam

Of course you are, and I'm going with you!

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Gimli

I can't see! What's going on?!

Legolas

Would you like me to describe it to you? Or shall I fetch you a box?

Gimli

Don't tell the elf.

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Leglolas

I feel something... a slight tingle in my fingers... I think it's affecting me.

Gandalf

Now, listen carefully. Lord Denethor is Boromir's father; to give him news of his beloved son's death would be most unwise. And do not mention Frodo, or the Ring. And say nothing of Aragorn either. In fact, it's better if you don't speak at all, Peregrin Took.

Sam

Then let us be rid of it... once and for all. Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you.

The Lost World

Ian

"Oooh! Ahhh!" That's how it always starts. Then later there's the running and screaming.

Ian

Why doesn't anyone listen to me? I speak simple English. I don't have an accent as far as I can tell.